Chapter 5: The Pink Envelope

Lee remembers clearly what happened when he, Leo, and ten other children from the orphanage went to the train station to get on the orphan train:
"The girls had on new dresses, all alike, with white pinafores over them. We boys also had new clothes: knickers that buttoned below the knee, white dress shirts and neckties, and suit coats. I'd never had anything new before. All I'd ever worn was hand-me-downs from my older brothers or used clothes given to the orphanage. All of us felt real special. We wondered if we were going to meet the governor or something. We had no idea what was actually happening."

He recalls how excited he felt while waiting for the train to arrive, with all the noise and confusion and people rushing around the station. As the train approached, its whistle blowing, the children began to clap their hands and jump up and down, but they were immediately hushed by the adults with them and told to line up and behave themselves because people were watching. As the children waited to climb up the big steps to the train, Lee kept his arm around Leo.

Then he heard someone call his name. Turning, he saw a man who was holding a little boy coming toward him. Leo did not know who the man was, but Lee let out a whoop of joy and ran into his father's arms.

"The matron who was going to take care of us on the train was a big-boned woman with a stern voice," Lee recalls. "She ordered me to come away from the window and get to my seat. I had to fight back the anger I felt. Then I touched the pink envelope in my coat pocket. At least I had that. As soon as I could, I would figure out how to get the three of us away from wherever it was we were being taken and I would find our father."

Even with so much to think about, Lee liked his first train ride. He was excited by the way the train swayed along, the wheels making a wonderful click-clacking noise on the tracks. Fields and small towns seemed to rush by. Lee had never had such a sense of freedom. He touched the pink envelope over and over, telling himself that everything was going to be all right.

He could hardly believe that Gerald was sitting between him and Leo. The little boy seemed to have no problem accepting his two big brothers and he snuggled against them. To this day Lee does not know where Gerald was between the time their mother died and the day their father gave him to Lee to take care of.

The food on orphan trains varied from trip to trip, but on Lee and his brothers' train, every meal was sandwiches, fruit, and milk. The boys gobbled up the first meal. They enjoyed it not only because it was different from what they were used to, but because there was enough of it.

The matron told Lee to take off his jacket so it would stay clean. He refused. When she insisted, Lee was not sure what to do. He had been taught to do what he was told. Finally he explained to her about the pink envelope and said he wanted to keep it next to him in his jacket's inner pocket. To his relief the matron left him alone.

The train stopped briefly at Grand Central Station in New York City, where 38 more orphans joined them, bringing the number of children in the two cars to 50. Lee knew it was 50 because everybody kept having to count off, saying their number out loud, until the matron was satisfied that every child was present. The train was soon out of the city and chugging westward through New Jersey.

The matron told the children that they were going west to find new homes, just as Lee's father had said. "This is an opportunity for you," she told them. "They call this an orphan train, and you're very lucky to be on it."

"I didn't believe her for a moment," Lee says. "In my mind this was just another trick adults were playing on kids. How could taking us away from the only things we'd ever known be an opportunity?"

He tried to understand what was happening. He was on an orphan train--a trainload of orphans. But that made no sense: "Leo and Gerald and I weren't orphans. We had a family, and I had the pink envelope to prove it. We didn't belong on any so-called orphan train. I was going to show them all. Somehow, some way, no matter where that train ended up, I'd get us back."

As soon as it was dark that first evening, the children began to get ready for bed. Lee helped Leo and Gerald stretch out on the seat and then carefully took off his jacket and laid it right next to him. The pink envelope peeked out of the pocket just enough so he could see it. He felt hopeful--a feeling he had almost forgotten. Their father had not abandoned them after all. He had come to the train. He had hugged them and wanted Lee to write him. Lee thought about how surprised his father would be when the boys showed up on his doorstep. It would be wonderful! "I went to sleep with a smile on my face, happy for the first time since my mother had died," Lee says.

When he opened his eyes the next morning, the first thing he did was touch his jacket. It was right where he had put it. Then he reached into the pocket to touch the pink envelope. It was gone.

"I still remember the panic I felt," Lee says. "I pushed on Leo, making him wake up. We both began a frantic search all around the seat and on the floor. Nothing! I went through my jacket again, felt in the cracks between the seats and under the window. But there was no envelope."

Then he saw the matron standing over him. She sternly asked him what he was looking for. Lee begged her to help him find the envelope. She told him to sit down. When he started to protest, she said it louder. Lee sat. "Where you're going, you won't be needing that envelope,"the matron said firmly. "You must forget about it."

"The truth struck me with blinding force," Lee remembers. "She had taken the envelope and there was nothing I could do about it. Absolutely nothing. Except hate her."

It was a bitter moment for him. "That pink envelope had given me back some hope. I can't explain how defeated I felt with it gone. It just took the life out of me. I wouldn't let anybody see me cry, but nights on that train I'd lie there with tears rolling down my cheeks and my heart breaking all over again. First my mother, then my other brothers and my sister, and now my father again. How could I have lost so much?"

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